


There's not a bone in my body that's not weak for you

by ninthdreamie



Series: the squirrel and his dearest acorn [17]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, First Kiss, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, i loved writing this hehe so i bet you guys will love it too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23699206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: Jaemin knew he was already bound to be heartbroken by the moment he woke up one morning, and Jeno was the first person that came to mind.Alternatively: in which Jaemin gets to confess his feelings to his best friend Jeno.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: the squirrel and his dearest acorn [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1050548
Comments: 8
Kudos: 170





	There's not a bone in my body that's not weak for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SNES](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNES/gifts).



> soooo i wrote this back in february while looking back at the times i confessed to the people i held romantic feelings for through the years. if it isn't obvious, one of my favorite things to write are confession scenes! haha and this was supposed to be part of a larger fic, but i thought that this alone was already beautiful. tbh i'm quite proud of it hehe!
> 
> and this is what i wanted to gift to cherry! i hope this makes you feel better throughout quarantine, i love you! and i hope this makes all of you better too. listen to amy shark's sink in as you read the fic for an Experience!

Jaemin knew he was already bound to be heartbroken by the moment he woke up one morning, and Jeno was the first person that came to mind.

Of course, since he is _Na Jaemin_ , his initial approach to it was none other than denial. Throughout the summer, he gave his feelings the benefit of the doubt countless times, telling himself that he is just mistaking it for gratefulness. He was probably carried away by peers’ constant teasing since grade school. He was probably carried away by the fact that Jeno was always so kind, so caring, and so loving towards everyone, especially _him_. He would be lying if he said he didn’t spend his free time entertaining the idea of him and Jeno getting together and being more than friends; it seemed nice and sweet in his head.

It sounded like they were meant to be.

_Damn_ , now that term just breaks his heart even more. Of course not. They are anything but that. They’re best friends. Jeno will always be his best friend, and his greatest ride or die for sure. That will never change.

Well, it _could_ change if he confesses, and Jeno starts to get awkward, then he keeps his distance. Before Jaemin could even notice, maybe they’ll no longer be—

“Jaeminnie, have you been waiting?”

He looks up from his feet, only to witness his best friend smiling at him. Said smile should not worsen the anxiousness that’s making his stomach twist and turn, that makes him want to vomit right then and there. But it does; Jeno is making him nervous. Jaemin doesn’t notice that his grip on the swing’s chains tighten, doesn’t feel the sweat coming from his palms.

Scared. He is known to be someone who never really feared anything, but fuck, he is so scared of what will happen after this. He’s scared of what will become of _them_ after this.

“Not really.” Jaemin lies through his teeth. In fact, he has been waiting here in the playground for three hours, rehearsing what he was supposed to say. He has been diving deep into the possible worst case scenarios for awhile now, but Jeno does not have to know that.

It’s not like he’d care, right? The chances of him getting rejected are high.

“Have you eaten?” Jeno holds one of the chains, and his hand slides downwards. He ends up placing his hand over Jaemin’s clammy one. The latter shakes his head as an answer, his eyes back at his feet again.

He can’t find it in himself to look at Jeno in the eye, like before. He’s afraid that if he stared at him for more than five seconds, he wouldn’t even get to confess properly. He would have probably revealed his feelings through his wide eyes, like what his mother always said. _Fucking hell_ , he’s so scared.

Jaemin does not catch him frown, does not see the brightness in his eyes fade. He fails to notice the look of concern in Jeno’s face because he’s caught up in his own thoughts. “Uh, okay. So why did you wanna meet me here?”

He wants to take it back, right this instant. He wants to tell Jeno that he changed his mind, that he can go home for he is just wasting his time. He does not want this to push through, he wants to forget this. Jaemin’s grip on the chains are now bruising him, putting him in pain. He curses under his breath.

“Um.” Jaemin is surprised that he still managed to speak. He stands up too quick, does not notice how he cannot feel his legs from all of the anxiety. He almost falls, but Jeno is alert enough to grab his sides, steadying him. He finds himself holding onto the latter’s shoulders too, and it happens so naturally, like he was meant to have him this close.

Oh no, _oh no_. Jaemin wishes he did not look up. He wishes he did not look into his best friend’s eyes. He wishes that he held in his emotions. He is wishing for so much in a short span of time, his heart is beating like crazy, and he couldn’t think straight.

Everything around him is getting blurry.

“I—I just.”

Jaemin was supposed to know each and every word by heart. He already had an idea on how to say it. Everything was planned and yet, putting that plan into action is difficult, now that Jeno is in front of him. “I—I wanted to…”

Words were what he relied on all his life. It’s one of the things he took pride in, being good with words. However, the ability to express himself fails him now, and the things he wished to say, the feelings he couldn’t contain show in the tears staining his cheeks.

Tell him what you feel with confidence, his father said. Make sure you sound sincere, his mother said. You can do it, his friends said. Remembering all of these just makes Jaemin feel even dumber, a complete loser.

How would Jeno view him, then? _A loser_ , his insecurities say.

Jeno’s arms wrap instinctively arounds his waist, hugs him tight, still unaware of what was supposed to happen. Jaemin presses his face on his shoulder, crying his heart out, his body trembling in an intensity that is very concerning.

And Jaemin knows that whenever he is in extreme distress to the point of resorting to crying, sirens just go off in Jeno’s head. Him crying becomes an alarming global issue to his best friend. The latter is frowning now, but he starts swaying around, hoping it could calm the other down.

“Take your time.” Jeno utters softly, resting his cheek against the side of Jaemin’s head. “You know what I’ll be doing.”

What he means by that is basically, he isn’t going to leave him alone until he is fully okay. On other days, Jaemin could have appreciated that, but he just wants the rocky ground to swallow him alive right now. He wanted to tell Jeno to go home and have dinner with family, that this—these feelings he’s carrying is nothing.

He cannot stress this enough, he’s so fucking scared.

Jaemin is still trembling, but he pulls his face away from his shoulder, only to reveal his bloodshot eyes and reddish nose. On top of that, the smile he is sporting isn’t radiating his usual cheerfulness. He looks sad, and absolutely hopeless. Jeno is not used to seeing that, so the former can see the corners of his lips curve downwards. _Way to go, Jaem._

“Nana—,”

“You’re just going to keep making me cry when you say my nickname.” Jaemin cuts in with his hoarse and unstable voice, completely exhausted by the rollercoaster of emotions inside him. To be completely honest, the word _fuck it_ is just playing in a loop in his brain now. “And the way you call me gets me weak, so please shut up _or else_.”

It seemed like Jeno wanted to say something, but he keeps his lips shut, doing what Jaemin tells him to do as always.

Jaemin sighs, wiping a tear that just fell from his eyes with the back of his hand. “Jeno, I have never been the same person since we met. I can’t even remember the person I was before I met you. You have changed my life from the moment you took the initiative to befriend me, and I will always be grateful for that. But _Jesus Christ_ , summer was a fucking mess because I couldn’t get my shit together when it came to you.”

That was supposedly the start to his confession, but due to Jaemin’s aggressive way of expressing them, Jeno takes it differently. “I-I’m sorry,” He murmurs, unaware of his natural pout.

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Don’t say sorry.”

“Okay,” Jeno replies. “Sorry.”

“Lee Jeno, if you say sorry one more time, I’ll kiss—,” Thankfully, Jaemin realizes what he was saying, so he stops himself from finishing it. He pauses, sniffling. His hands are on each of the sides of his best friend’s arms, about to hold onto them like how he held the swing’s chains. “Okay, fuck.”

A soulless chuckle slips off his mouth. He is definitely going to regret this, but this is what he wanted. He doesn’t like hiding what he feels, so might as well face the consequences. If their friendship ends here, he has to suck it up, he knows. _Here goes nothing._

“I want to let you know that I am in love with you. _I love you_. So much that all I ever wish for is for us to stay friends and for you to just...stay in my life, because I hate the idea of a world without you. I could live with that of course, but it would _hurt_ me so much if I did. You know what I mean. I’m sorry. Jeno, I’m really sorry.”

By the time he finishes talking, Jaemin’s dry eyes get glassy again, and he breaks eye contact with his best friend, holding in his sobs.

Speechlessness. That’s probably a bad sign, Jaemin thinks. He has never confessed to anyone in his life. He has never fell in love. Through the years, he did have some crushes, but they never lasted as long. He never bothered to pursue any of those people. But it’s different now, since it’s Jeno.

There’s a part in him that wants them to be together, that’s undeniable. He wants them to be in a relationship. He wants him to reciprocate his feelings. He wants to love him, and be loved in return. But that is just too idealistic, it’s impossible. Not when Jeno looks like he’s about to tell him that they should just stay friends. Not when he looks like he’s thinking of keeping his distance starting now.

Again, he’s so _scared_. But he reminds himself that in the first place, he wanted to confess because most of all, he wanted to let Jeno know that he loves him. The fact that he was able to let him know is more than enough for Jaemin.

Readying himself for rejection, he starts to make Jeno let him go.

His already puffy eyes widen, when he feels his arms get tighter than ever on his waist. He couldn’t pull away. Jaemin looks at him again, only to see Jeno looking back at him, with so much of what he can’t put into words at the moment. He feels his heart quicken again, his hopes rising.

“I love you too.”

Jaemin caught it, but to hear it from him? He’s saying it back? _Impossible._ Did he hear that right? _Definitely not_. This is probably just him making everything up as a coping mechanism...right?

“What?” Jaemin sputters.

A sigh, and a smile after. He’s working on his emotional stability right now, but why is Jeno looking at him like he’s the center of his universe, with the most endearing smile he ever plastered? He isn’t making this up. “I love you too, Nana. I love you a lot.”

He shakes his head slowly, still doubtful. “Don’t lie to me.”

Jeno sighs for the second time, but that smile still hasn’t faded. He’s still looking at him like that. It’s unreal. “Nana,” He says his nickname with so much fondness it’s making his knees weak again. “I feel the same way, I swear.”

“Kiss me then.”

That was a slip of the tongue. Jaemin was not supposed to say that, he really didn’t plan to. He was supposed to ask him what he was going to do to prove it. Words fail him for the second time. He wants to seal his mouth with duct tape so badly.

Before he could even take it back, Jeno leans in, closing the distance. Their lips press against each other, and Jaemin was not even ready, but he goes with it anyway. He’s just glad that the boy of his dreams is his first kiss, and being the hopeless romantic that he is, he wishes that he will be the only boy to ever kiss him.

Obviously, the first kiss was awkward. Nothing really happened, it was just a press of lips, and then they stood there for a minute like that. It made both of them blush out of embarrassment once they pulled away, but Jaemin is the one who leans in during the second, finally _kissing_ Jeno’s lips.

And after that, they share more kisses. Amidst the awkwardness, Jaemin is just happy that the anxiousness, and the tears are all worth it. Jeno loves him too.

“I love you,” Jeno whispers against his lips when they slightly pull away, their foreheads resting against each other. He can’t believe that that is true now; he’s going to need to get used to that.

It’s no longer just a _Jaemin loves Jeno_. There’s a _Jeno loves Jaemin_ too.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos and a comment, i'll greatly appreciate it!


End file.
